High heels infuriate me.
I acknowledge that high heels increase your height and make your legs longer, but they also slow your mobility and cause unnecessary complaints — you chose to wear those awful shoes, don’t bother the world with your “pain.” That’s like adding 20 pound weights to your backpack and then whining about how heavy your bag is all day long or self-flagellating religious folk. THERE’S AN EASY SOLUTION TO YOUR SELF-INFLICTED PAIN.
Even though there is some aesthetic involved, I’d wager that the person who decided heels were fashionable was one of those much maligned white guys, that good old patriarchy. Oh, I’m right. High heels were invented for men, who then gave them up just as the women’s version was getting decorative. And if we’re going off of the Slate’s piece, high heels were an accessory of erotica, which makes perfect sense since celebs who get their starts with sex tapes wear them often, but will not have their names mentioned here because this blog shant further their careers with an SEO increase.
High heels have the potential to cause knee and back problems. More importantly though, you can’t run. So many times, I think men like women to wear high heels because they can’t run away from them. This is also my theory about orthodox/highly religious women and long skirts, restricted mobility helps keep you from physically escaping.
Just now I was walking home and stuck behind a poor woman teetering on her shoes as she made her way down a perfectly uneven sidewalk (news flash: all the sidewalks are uneven). It was sad to watch her ankles tremble, and all heel-clad ankles tremble on pavement. This is a city for strolling, not tumbling on the streets that the rats live on.
Of course, it is (hopefully) a woman’s choice to wear high heels. But just remember every time you put on your high heels you are wearing the same footwear that men rejected in the 18th century and 1950s pornography popularized while slowly hurting your knees and spine. You look so pretty!!!!